They Aren't Supposed to Find

This is taken from Lysa TerKeurst's blog:

"There are things mommies aren’t ever supposed to find. They aren’t supposed to find themselves in a firehouse frantically looking for their child. They aren’t supposed to find their child’s name on a list of those who won’t be coming home. They aren’t supposed to find a dress to wear to their child’s funeral.  They aren’t supposed to turn their calendar and find a date circled for the birthday party they were supposed to be planning next month. The one that won’t be. Or walk to the mailbox and find their child’s dentist appointment reminder card. The receptionist forgot to pull that one out.   Or find a book they know their child would love. Only half way to the check out counter they remember, they’re gone."

When I heard the news about the shooting in Connecticut, I think I subconsciously chose not to dwell on it or make it personal.  It was not until Monday morning at school that it became very personal.  At our staff meeting that morning, as we talked through changes in our safety procedures,  I put myself in the situation.  I was thinking about the principal, the secretary, the psychologist, the first graders that were murdered.  I looked around at my principal, secretary, psychologist, and first graders that were standing in front of me.  After the announcements and a statement from the principal over the PA, we all have a moment of silence. 

It's sad to me that it takes something like this to snap me back to reality.  That same day I was frustrated at my students because they are anxious and squirmy, waiting (not so patiently) for Christmas.  When I heard the news that afternoon, my frustrations were simply gone.  I have absolutely nothing to complain about!  It was not until Monday morning, after hearing the names and seeing the faces of the six year old students in Connecticut, that I took a closer look at my six year olds and  realized how much I love them.

Miss Hornback Eats?

On Friday night, Beth and I went to Greenfield Village Holiday Nights!  One of her co-workers sets off the fireworks, so we got to go back and see how they work.  Pretty awesome!  The whole night was really great and it got me in the Christmas spirit :)

Last week my class had Polar Express Day, our Christmas party.  Any day that is supposed to be a "fun" day and treat for the kids, is usually not very fun for me, haha.  Anything out of the regular routine gets them all wound up!  We watched the movie, did a craft, ate pizza, cookies and hot chocolate.  During the pizza party, one of my students looked at me peculiarly.  I heard her whisper to another student, "Woahhhh, watch Miss Hornback eat!!"  Haha!

What a fun time of year!  Next weekend my family is headed 5 hours south to Waverly, OH for the extended family Christmas parties.  I'm so looking forward to Christmas break!!

Christmas Time is Here

I was thinking today about all that has happened in the last year.  Last year on this day, I was teaching in South Korea.  I was excited about coming home for a week for Christmas.  I was loving my students and nervous about returning to America for good in the next few months.  At this point last year I wasn't even sure that I wanted to teach.  I was part of an amazing church and small group.  I thought of Korea as the "glory days" and felt as if I would never be as content as I was at that time.

Christmas time is here again.  I can't believe a whole year has passed.  It has been an exciting year, filled with confusion, waiting, surprises and blessings.  God has replaced each one of those areas of contentment with new blessings.  One year later I am teaching in a great district only one hour from family.  I am part of an amazing church and small group.  God has even given me the blessing of being in an awesome relationship with Josh.  God has certainly answered prayers, even the ones I haven't prayed.  I have a lot to be thankful for this Christmas!

A Different Kind of Thanksgiving Story

Sorry I haven't written in two weeks!  Life has been pretty busy this last week!

It was so nice to get a break from school and spend time with friends and family for Thanksgiving.  My family is such a blessing. 

As stressful and hard as this fall has been, I am so thankful for my students.  It is SO awesome to see their progress!  It's only November and I can't believe how far they've come.  It definitely inspires me to keep teaching and invest in their little lives.

The first day of school Ally (not her real name) marched into my classroom.  She plopped down glaring at me and did everything she could to get in trouble.  If she was supposed to be quiet, she would talk to her neighbor.  If she was supposed to put her desk down, she would put hers up.  She pushed people, tattled to the extreme and made it very hard to teach.  Ally was a foster kid for quite some time and has lived a rough six years.  She was such an angry little girl and obviously hated school.  Instead of trying to learn, she refused and would get so upset.  It upset her that the other kids had learned things that she didn't know.  Reading was the hardest for her.  At the beginning of the year, the letters meant nothing to her.  She would just get frustrated and put her head down each time I tried to help her sound out the words.

I considered her my "project."  I remember being so puzzled as to why she would want to get in trouble!  Why did that bring her satisfaction?  Over the next few weeks of school she amazingly began to soften.  That angry frown only showed up once a day, and then not even every day!  She began to learn the letters and sounds.  Socially she began to soften as well.  She let down her wall and I even saw a hint of a smile at recess or when she did something well in class.  All the weeks have run together in my mind and I too often loose track of one students individual progress as I'm trying to teach all of my students. 

It was last week that I went around the room during their five minute silent reading time listening to a few students read.  Ally didn't seem nervous when I walked up to her desk.  She didn't give me the angry frown like she'd given so many times before.  She began to try.  She tried her best to sound out the words.  She smiled real big as she self-corrected herself to read the word.  She did it!  She was so proud!  I was so proud!

As she left for Thanksgiving break, she tugged on my arm.  When she had my full attention, she hugged me and said, "I love first grade!  See you on Monday!" and she walked out.  I have a feeling Thanskgiving was hard at her house.  I know though, that she is looking forward to Monday.  Room 6 at Erving Elementary is a place where she is excited to come.  I will be looking forward to seeing her on Monday as well :)

Raking Tomatoes

On Saturday my church sent out 500 people to do service projects around the community!  My group raked leaves.  We raked and raked at three different houses, then we were sent to clear out a garden!  There were rotten tomatoes everywhere and all of our shoes are now a light pink, haha.  The garden, which turned out to be more of a compost pile was raked up into leaf bags.  I have never actually used leaf bags before!  At my house growing up we just burned the leaves!  We had a lot of fun and then went to a pizza buffet afterward.

I have been so tired lately.  I think last week (kind of a rough one) caught up with me this weekend.  A few stressful situations are going on at school  and one of my student's house burned down!  I'm finding that I'm a perfectionist :(  Even though I know I am doing my very best, it drives me nuts when someone isn't pleased with me.  I just dwell on it when I need to move on.

We are learning about thanksgiving.  The students find Christopher Columbus pretty fascinating!  When the student's house burned down we talked a lot about what we are thankful for.  It was a good reminder to myself!  I'm teaching to myself too :)

Election Day in First Grade

The first graders have spoken and the ballots have been cast!  On Friday we did a mock election.  It was pretty funny to hear what they have to say about both candidates (or rather what their parents have to say!)  We had an official looking ballot, complete with the student's name, address, teacher, etc.  Many ended up in tears because they didn't know their address....oops!  Many days I say the phrase, "Is it the end of the world if..."  For example, "Is it the end of the world if you don't get to be first in line?"  One boy busted out crying because he didn't know his address.  The girl next to him leaned over and very seriously said, "Is it the end of the world if you don't know your address?"  Haha, it made me smile.  It's interesting and a little unnerving how much they repeat what I say!  Anyway, we put our ballots in a box and tallied up the votes.

One girl last week said, "Miss Hornback, guess what!? Mitt Romney lives on my street! I know it's his house because he put his sign in his front yard!!"

I gave the kids the journal prompt "If I were president, I would..."   Here's what a couple came up with:

-  "If Miss Hornbayk wus presdint, I wod be hapy and I wod do wat she sez."

-  "If I wuz the pezutint I wud make 1000 of money!  And by my mom a NEW car!  And then I will go home."

-  "If i wer the prasndnt i wood rase taxis and git mor jobs and help Amuricka a lot.  And makc money.  Lots of money.  But i am not the prasndnt."

What!?  He either watches a lot of TV commercials or listens in on his parents conversations!



It's for YOU!

Yes, you're probably wondering what this is.  I too, wondered what the little girl was giving me as she walked into the classroom.  Beaming, she said, "Miss Hornback, it's for YOU!"  I did the ever so subtle, "Ohhhh!  What is it?"  She informed me it was a brownie that she had made with her dad the night before.  It was very thoughtful of her to make me something, but I think she put a little less thought in the way it ended up in the bottom of her backpack :)  She told me I could eat it at snack time!  I told her I would "save" it for lunch instead.  She was so proud that she'd made it just for me!

I set in on my desk, careful not to let the smushed choclate touch anything else.  As one little boy came up to sharpen his pencil, he spotted the mysterious brown mush in the foil:

Student: "What IS that?"
Me:  "It's a brownie that someone made for me."
Student:  "When did she make it?"
Me:  "I don't know."
Student:  "I think maybe she made it last year."

Haha, I'm afraid it would look a little worse after a year!

When the science experiment doesn't work

It's pretty fun to be a teacher of 6 year olds.  They have only been alive for 6 years, probably only 3 of which they remember.  They have not seen much yet in their lives!  On Thursday I took a picture of a gorgeous sunrise over my apartment.  When they looked at my picture, they didn't just say, "Oh yeah...I've seen one of those before..."  They ooooed and aaaawwed and told me that it looked like the sky was on fire!  Everything is rather dramatic when you are 6. 

I must admit, sometimes I use this to my advantage :)  In our science lessons I am teaching about the Water Cycle and evaporation.  I get to see the lightbulbs go on!  It's fun to see them show a sense of amazement at things we take for granted every day.  When was the last time you thought about how puddles dry up and evaporate to make clouds that will rain down again?

I get to see them think about and experience new things that they've never thought about before, even though half of the time I am "fudging" the science experiment (putting things in the refridgerator, pouring out water down the drain when they aren't looking, in order to fake evaporation :) haha).  The science experiments don't always work (well usually don't).  Our world is an intricately crafted place, in which all of the pieces work together perfectly.  Whereas we adults are bored by the world and just expect it to rotate around the sun at 1000 miles per hour without flinging us off...the kids are simply in awe.

Six Year Old Letters

On Friday, we had some extra time in class, so I had my students write their first letters to my former Korean students!  I explained to the kids where Korea was, showed them on the map and showed them pictures of the students to whom they were writing.  Of course, in their little minds, Ohio seems as far away as Korea.  They didn't really get that it was across the world!

I had them color a Halloween picture and write Happy Halloween.  I also tried to have them write "안녕하세요?" (hello in Korean).  They enjoyed trying to write in Korean and then proceded to "play Korean" at recess.  It was pretty hilarious listening to them make up these weird sounds, calling it Korean!

I took a long time explaining that it takes a long time for our letters and pictures to get all the way to Korea.  I told them it may be a very long time before we get letters back.  That night when I got my mail, there were letters from Korea!  The teacher had sent them last week and they just happened to arrive the same day I sent out ours!  I think I'll keep the letters for another week so they don't think I was lying about them taking a long time :)

The Korean letters were awesome!  Sadly, the 6 year old Koreans' letters were better than my 6 year old Americans' letters!  It's amazing to me that the Korean kids can have such good handwriting, vocabulary and grammar in order to write in a foreign language by the time they are 6!  Korea must be doing something right!

Anyway, it will be fun for both me and them!

In the spirit of Halloween

I don't know what made me think of this, but it made me smile, so I thought I'd share...

Once upon a time in a faraway land when I lived in Korea, there lived a spider.  It was a relatively big one that apparently moved quite swiftly.  It liked to take walks along the river walk in Seoul.  So did I.  One night as the sun went down I sat down on the walk and dangled my feet on the edge of the Han River.  As I sat there, I noticed I was both the only girl and only young person sitting by the river.  I was joined by curious old fisherman, who seemed to fish all day and all night (yet never once did I see anyone catch a fish in the river).  They sat in their groups, fishing and chatting.  Since everyone (especially young people) are always hustling and bustling around, usually watching tv on their phones as they walk, these old men wondered why I would just want to come and sit. 

As I sat, I noticed the spider, a safe distance away from me.  As I was enjoying the Seoul skyline, I kept one I glued on the spider, just in case it decided to creep up on me.  I watched it for a long time.  I thought, "I better keep an I eye on it because it would be just my luck that it would crawl on me without me knowing it."  I kept watching it.  It seemed to be stalled out in one place.

I looked over at the old men and I tried to eavesdrop on their conversation (which is much harder to do in a foreign language!)  When I looked back, the spider was gone.  I figured it had wandered away to find more exciting scenery.  Wrong!  When I looked down, it was on my knee!  How in the world it got from the path to my knee in that short of a time is a good question! 

I went into a fit, trying to get it off and I'm pretty sure I let out a little yelp!  I'm glad to say I got the spider off, but I also gained an audience roaring with laughter!  The old men thought whatever my "fit" was about was absolutely hilarious.  I'm glad my embarrassment provided them entertainment.  As I left the scene (rather quickly) the men were still cackling about the young white girl spazzing out because of a spider!

Wake Up!

It seems every afternoon, I have a different student fall asleep during class!  At first I took it personally and figured I needed to spice up the lessons.  I got the students up and moving from one part of the room to the other.  I thought if I kept asking the sleepy girl questions, surely she would wake up.  No joke, she fell asleep while standing and answering my question!!  I couldn't help but smile.  After all, that has got to be pretty hard to do!  When I asked her why she was so tired, she told me that she just stayed up too late.  Sometimes I forget these are little kids.  I forget they are only 6 and can only hold so much information in one day. 

I wish I had about 7 helpers in my class!  My students need individual help.  They are at such different levels that they all need specific teaching, tailored to them.  School has changed...a lot.  There is so much pressure from the state to get my kids to grade level (which ideally is a good thing) but the state doesn't know my individual students!  Yes, I do think teachers should be held accountable, but it doesn't seem fair that I have to get all of my students up to grade level in order to keep my job. 

God keeps reminding me that first I am accountable to Him.  Yes, my goal is to teach my students as much as possible, but more importantly God wants me to accurately represent Him and teach these kids in the way He would teach them. 

Picture Day

Thursday was picture day!  When discussing it with my students the day before, one informed me (and the class) "Miss Hornback, I be lookin real smooth with my purple tie on picture day!"  He said it with a straight face but I busted.  I was excited to see his "smooth" ensamble but sadly he forgot the purple tie :(

I'm not allowed to take pictures of my students but this is what I was imagining! :)

A few weeks ago I was telling the class that I would be moving to an apartment and that night I was going to buy a bed.  One girl looked at me and said, "Girl, you go buy yo'self a bed at a garage sale."  Haha, I would buy many things at a garage sale but a matress is not one of them!

Though I'm often worn out at the end of the day, wondering if they are truly learning anything....they sure can make me laugh!  That's a start!

Settling In

Well, it was even tougher this week!  The students who are not at 1st grade level (1/3 of my class) are now starting to cause trouble because they are both frustrated and want attention.  It was a week of trial and error, trying to figure out each of these students' motivations (or lack of motivation).  If only I had individual time with each student!  So much could be done both for their academics and self-esteem, one-on-one.  Though it was even tougher this week, I think I am accepting the fact that it is what it is and am feeling better about it.

I'm getting to know their personalities better, which is more fun.  One little girl, I'll call her Jenna, has been in and out of foster care her whole life.  She insists on doing the opposite of what I say, every time!  If I tell the class to close their desks, she will slyly look at me and open it!  I can't figure out why she "tries" to get in trouble!  Why would she want me call her out in front of the class.  Most kids spend their time trying not to stick out.  I guess this little girl needs so much attention that she doesn't care if it is positive or negative :(  I am still "experimenting" with her, trying to figure out what will motivate her to behave positively.  These kids are so psychologically complex because of their lives, that it takes a while to figure them out!

On Friday I had a substitute in the morning because I was pulling out kids one at a time to do a reading test.  Obviously, this was the first sub they had ever had in my class.  One little boy came in to do his test with me and said, "Oh good!  You're here!  Are you still going to be our teacher!?"  I assured him that I would be back in the afternoon with them.  Sadly, probably every adult in his life that has made a promise to him, broke it.  Everyone in his life has given up on him and just left.  He was worried that I wouldn't come back, too.  Maybe I can be the only stable thing in these kids lives.  Though many of their world's are chaotic, school can be a predictable, safe place where they can be free to be themselves.

On a lighter note, I think I've found a church!  It is a big church, only 10 minutes away from me.  It has a lot of ministries and activities that I hope to get involved in soon.  I also love my apartment!  Here are some pictures :)

 I am still pretty excited about my world map shower curtain :)

My new life

Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into? My whole life has changed in a matter of two weeks! Two weeks ago, I did not have a job. Since then, I was hired, I've worked for two weeks, I moved into an apartment and had a couple of meltdowns ;)

One day was definitely not enough to prepare for a whole school year. I was really overwhelmed the first few days. Well actually, I still kind of am! :) I have my work cut out for me! I have 24 students. My students are at very different academic levels. They all require individual attention and I wish I had more time in the day! Sadly, it seems as if I am going to have to teach both the kindergarten and 1st grade cirriculum in order to catch up from last year. It's so sad to hear about many of the students life stories.

Even though it has been a really tough couple of weeks, I know that God put all of these specific students in my care for a reason. They need to be cared for. They need to be believed in. I am now eating my words because I remember about a month ago asking God for a hard teaching job. Well, he answered! This is pretty much the hardest job I could have landed in! But, it is not an accident that I was put in room 6 at Erving Elementary. It was all part of a plan I didn't (and sometimes still don't) understand.

I was commuting to work an hour each way for two weeks. I think now that I am settled in my apartment near my school, it will be much easier to separate my school life and home life. I feel like I have kind of dropped off the face of the Earth these last couple of weeks! It will be nice to get my life back. My new life.

Today I went to a new church that I really liked. I am hoping to get involved quickly and find Christian friends. I miss my church community in Korea. Hopefully I will find a similar one here!

And the new chapter begins!

It's been a long time since I was actually excited about going back to school!

It was a rough summer! From the time I got home in March, I have been searching for jobs all over the Midwest almost 8 hours a day! The market is so stiff that it's incredible that I even had some interviews. One job that I interviewed for, I was one of 900 applicants! That's practically every eligible teacher in Michigan! All 900 applicants applying for 1 job. The interviews started in June. I wasn't too nervous in June or July, knowing I still had quite a bit of time.

 I got increasingly frustrated the more rejections I got! I knew I was doing well in the interviews because I was getting call-backs and good feedback. I started to feel like God was playing a trick on me after I got the 11th district rejection! I suppose God was just trying to show me that I couldn't get a job on my own, but only when I trusted that He would give me favor at the right interview. You'd think He could have gotten that point across to me in the first 5 interviews! Haha, nooooo.

 On Thursday, two days before school started, I had no more interviews and no more leads. I pretty much decided that I would have to substitute the whole school year until next spring's hiring season. Friday morning, the day before school starts, I was offered a job! Nothing like waiting until the last minute! I guess God was just trying to prove His point! :) He certainly gets the glory on this one!

 I was able to get into the room this weekend and after a day and a half of preparation, I'm ready to start on Tuesday! Why did He make me go through 5 months of disappointments? I have no idea. I do know that He was preparing me for this job. He prompted all the other 11 schools to say no, so that I would be available when this school said yes! God wanted me to have the absolute best building, best salary and hopefully best students and staff (I haven't met them yet).

 On the way home from signing the contract, I read a marquee that said, "I heard you and I'm working on it. -God" I just laughed! Perfect timing.

 And the adventure begins!

Little Will

These last few months I have been substitute teaching. Most people would consider this one of the lowest paid, lowest respected jobs, but actually I've rather enjoyed it. School finished on Friday and my subbing days are over for now. As I was thinking about some of the subbing days, Will stuck out in my mind. I had subbed in Will's class the two days before. The classes are so big and busy, that sadly, I only remembered the trouble makers! :( I noticed Will hugged me on his way out the door after that first day. This kind of surprised me since I hadn't heard a word from him all day! The next day was similar. I didn't hear a peep out of him until he came up to me half way through the day to tell me he wasn't feeling well. He went home sick. The next day I was subbing for a special ed teacher. I was assigned to go to Will's class to help another student. The student was busy with something else, so the teacher suggested I work with Will, who was behind on a project. She warned me that Will had been a bit emotional lately. Will looked excited as he gathered his things and headed into another room to work with me. We chatted for a second before we got to work. Will was way behind on a writing project. He was obviously stressed because he was behind the rest of the class. As we worked together, he was amazed at how fast he was getting things done! He looked over and said, "Uh...Miss Hornback, can I tell you something? You are a really nice teacher." I thanked him and we kept working. A little later he said, "It's kind of nice to have help in life. Thank you for helping me." I'm sure I gave him a questioning look, wondering where this philosophical comment was going. He continuted, "My sister is really sick and my mom stays with her at the hospital. My grandma came to help us. I have a lot of things going on right now like tests and this writing." The fact that he was worried about his writing when his sister is indefinitely sick in the hospital broke my heart! This kid was overwhelmed by school and by life. When I asked him his sister's name, he told me it was Faith. She's been fighting a disease that only 6 people in the whole world have been diagnosed with. When it was time for me to leave, he said, "So are you gonna be like my permanent helper?" Oh how I wish I could have been! By no fault of his own or his parents, this little boy was falling through the cracks. His sister was the one who got all the attention and nobody had time for this sweet 9 year old. Because he's "low maintanance," he's been accidentally neglected. He was so appreciative quality time. As a sub, most days I felt like I was not accomplishing much. I only got to know the kids for 1 or 2 days, not nearly long enough to make a difference. False! That day I made a difference in Will's life. Surprisingly in just two months of being a substitute, there were many more kids like Will. Here I thought I had to wait until I was a real teacher to make a difference. How awesome that God even allows substitutes to accomplish his "Will." :)

Spared

I am so thankful to be alive today! Last night I heard and saw a tornado pass over my house...

About 5:30 last night, the tornado sirens went off. I was home alone when my sister, the "weather woman" called to warn me, but we just laughed about it and shrugged it off.

A few minutes later I was not laughing anymore. I turned on the news just to check the warnings, and it said, "The tornado is headed right for Dexter, MI. Take cover immediately." I kept checking the windows looking worriedly at the quickly blackening sky. When I heard the faint sound of the tornado roar in the feild/lake in front of our house, I headed for cover.

We have a 2 story house, but no basement. The safest place in our house is a concrete enclosed creepy crawl space under our porch. I sad huddled in the corner there, constantly talking to my mom, dad and sister on the phone. My dad was on his way home from work and saw it coming down the road. My mom was still in town. I could hear the storm worsening, the violent wind swirling around. I'd forgotten in the panic of taking cover to close the windows in the house! I knew it would make a horrible mess! Later, my dad said that it was actually a good thing that the windows were open because if everything was closed up, the pressure could have blown out the windows.

From under the porch I could hear what I thought was things flying around the house. I heard sounds that sounded like the front door bursting open and dishes falling off the shelves. It turned out to only be the fierce 1-1 1/2 hail hitting the glass doors. Thankfully my car only came out with three small dents. Pretty unbelievable.

I was on the phone with my mom when the tornado passed over the house. I screamed, "Mom, it's coming! It's coming! IT'S HERE!!!" My poor mom couldn't do anything about it! She probably thought I was going to get blown away! Well, I thought I was too! I prayed, hard. That was the most scared I had ever been, listening to the horrifying "train" tornado sound over my house, hearing the house popping and cracking and things flying around. I didn't know what I would find when I walked out of the porch. I was afraid the house would collapse and I would be stuck. Scary.

The train sound gradually got farther and farther away and I realized it had only passed by, not hit our house. The house diagonal from ours was hit and the next neighboorhood over was also hit, but it just bounced right over ours! Thirteen homes in my town were flattened and 100 had serious damage. Amazingly there were no deaths! Surveying the damage around town this morning was awful. Some homes are totally wiped out, some are without roofs, some without their second stories and enormous uprooted trees make some streets unpassable.

My dad says we will probably be without power for the next few days. As I went out this morning we saw a caravan of 20 electrical trucks, all coming down our road to help with the damage. It's an awful situation that is going to take a long time to clean up, but it's cool to see the community come together and help each other. We can't see any news because of the power outage, but I guess it's been all over the local and even national news.

The sun rose this morning as if nothing had happened. As the fog lifted, the evidence of the tornado sunk it. Ironically, my mom, sister and I are headed for Mexico tonight. We feel guilty leaving the war-zone of Dexter.

I keep thinking, wow, God must have something big to do through my life! He has protected me so much in the past few years when various times, things could have turned out so badly! Today I am counting my blessings!

That's a Wrap

I made it back to the States! 5 flights, two days and two nights made me really appreciate my bed at home :) So far jetlag hasn't slowed me down too much. I think it's going to take some adjusting back into American culture...I was a bit overwhelmed with all the choices at Meijer when I went to by some things, haha, but everything else seems pretty much how I left it.

All the travel time gave me plenty of time to reflect on my time in Thailand. Here are some of the things I learned:

In living with the missionary family this week, I learned how awesome it is to see a married couple doing ministry together. Both the husband and the wife were working towards the same goal and the same mission. I also learned that missionary life can be very normal. God gives us each a calling. The specific calling is different for each person, shown sometimes through the opening and closing of doors. The calling on my life is to be done wherever I am. A missionary is just someone who does that work in a different place. Really, wherever I am, I should be doing that same work, whether in Korea, Thailand or America. I used to wish I had different gifts, personality or abilities, but God has given me exactly what I need to accomplish His calling. Saying mine aren't good enough would be insulting Him.

It was interesting to see various different ministries last week, both big and small. I saw that it doesn't matter the size or appearance. The most important thing is that it starts with one. It starts with one person mentoring/discipling another until the disciple is ready to disciple another. Though it seems like a small impact, the ripple effect could be huge. People are people. No matter where in the world I go, people are hurting and in need of a savior. Rather than glazing the surface with many, it's more important to invest first in one.

Everything in my life right now is kind of on hold. Waiting is one of the hardest things for a Christian to do because it makes us feel so helpless. Well wishing people keep asking what I will do now, and honestly I don't know. I am applying to jobs but really it's out of my hands and into God's. I'm learning that waiting should be an active process. It's not sitting back and doing nothing, but it's allowing God to change me while I'm waiting. Waiting allows, or rather forces, me to rely on the power of prayer. And that is a good thing!

Thanks to everyone who continued to read throughout the last year and half. I hope my jumbled thoughts gave you some insight into my time in Korea. I've enjoyed writing so much that even though I'm back in the States, I may continue to occasionally write about my relfections on life. Signing off from Korea and signing in from America...That's a wrap!

A Glimpse of Thailand

Third Son

I am staying with a missionary family this week in Thailand. The family has been here about a year and a half. Danny is from America, Sue is from Korea and they have two children, 7 and 10. They are an awesome family and it's been so much fun spending time with them. I've forgotten how goofy little boys can be :) This family is just beginning a new ministry. They are setting up a children's home for tribal teens. The home will be in this city, it will have 12-13 students and it will focus on discipleship and quality education.

These children are from the Kachin tribe. Kachin people are from Burma, a country right over the mountain. Because of the war torn nation, the people have been walking over the border at night, into Thailand. They don't look like the ethnic Thai people and have been disrciminated ever since they have been arriving for the last 40 years!

Their village contains about 100 homes made of woven wood, grass roofs, or concrete. The houses sit on stilts because of both the flooding and insects. The village has trouble with running water and generally these children cannot take a shower, even though the red dirt and dust covers their bodies. The church on the top of the hill,is where we met.

The missionary family and their one staff member (who is one of the tribal people) held interviews to see that the students are ready to leave their families and come live in the city for a better opportunity at life. The schools near this village are very poor and without a way out of their poverty, these students will only follow in their parents' footsteps.

The students were 16-20 years old. They were excited about an opportunity to live in the city, recieve a good education, learn about the Bible, be discipled and have a chance to make it in life. It was amazing to me how trusting the parents were. Because the staff member is a kachin person, I think they are more willing to trust, but still... The parents are so desperate for their children to get a good education and get out of the village, that they freely let their children go to the city to live in the children's home. For the children and the parents, this is a dream come true that has been long prayed for.

Thank goodness this is a strong Christian organization with the best intentions. I can now see though, how easily human trafficking can happen. An organization comes to a remote village, promising education or jobs in the city. The parents are so desperate and excited about an opportunity that they freely let their children go with the unknown group. It's scary how fast and innocently it could happen. Thank goodness for this missionary family's staff member, who is a Kachin that can assure the village that this one is a genuine opportunity.

The most touching interview was of a boy who was only 16 years old. He was one of seven children, the third boy. The older two boys in his family were working in the city at restaurants in order to make enough money for this boy to go to college. This 16 year old is expected to go to college, study something that will get him a good job (even though he had a dream to go to Bible college) and support his family for the rest of his life. The burden was so obvious, weighing on him, deciding his every decision. Sadly, this is reality for a lot of the world. How blessed I am to be able to choose what to major in, which job to take and decide where I want to live.

Two nights I was able to stay in a hotel with the the staff member, who is also Kachin. Through asking questions (of course :)) I was able to hear her story. Her father was part of the rebel military when she grew up in Burma. Her family was chased out of the country because of her father's military agenda. She was only 7 and remembers only bits and peices of the night they fled. She said they rode by horse from house to house, somewhat like the undreground railroad, with people lying about their whereabouts. She then came to Thailand, and has lived here ever since, forced to learn a new language and attend Thai schools, yet being discriminated against the whole way. Though she is well educated and recieved a master's degree from the USA, she is still turned down jobs simply because she is a minority.

I love hearing people's stories. Everyone has a story. Everyone wants their story to be told. I like this quote I read on the way here, "People's stories give us eyes other than our own with which to see the world...enlarge my heart with a story and change me by the characters I meet there."

First Few Days at the Hill Tribe

Mission Accomplished

I sat in my classroom this morning watching my kids play during their playtime. I was reminded of my first day with these same kids. The first day, I walked into the classroom and I turned into mad woman, trying to tame the zoo in my class. One boy was standing on a chair, one was hiding under the table, one was hitting another, another was throwing a tantrum and biting. Complete chaos! They often fought with each other and spoke Korean regularly. Today as I watched them they shared and helped each other and enjoy playing together. This year these monster students have become respectful little people (Well most of the time anyway!) They have all grown up so much in a year.

At first I thought being called Sara Teacher or more commonly, Teacher, was the most impersonal thing ever, but now I think I'm going to miss hearing "Sara Teacher" 143 times a day! These kids have taught me how to understand unconditional love.

I will never know what will happen to them as they grow up. I won't be there to help them anymore with the little problems that to them seem enormous. I pray for each of them, that they would one day find their worth in God. I pray that God will do something through my love for them. I feel like their proud Mama.

They each have such strong and unique personalities already. They will be used in such influencial ways. Who knows, my Luke who fights for justice in the classroom during playtime saying, "Don't do that! That's not fair!" might be the very same man someday who will fight for justice in the modern day slavery realm.

Today I was reading Sally's sentence that she'd written. It said, "I give mother a mooma toy." I asked her what that word "mooma" is. She told me, "Teacher, it says necklace!!" Haha! Oh, of course it does...in her head anyway :)

I didn't really know what my mission was when I came to Korea. Though it wasn't clear at the time, I'm confident that it has been accomplished. Whether it was teaching the girls to be feminine and not tackle the boys, or teaching the boys not to slam doors in girls' faces, each lesson was heard. I watch in wonder as even little girls know how to play house and have dreams of being a mother. I still laugh when Ace gives me his guilty smile. I wish I could capture that on camera!

Goodbyes are hard. At my last small group, they bought a cake and sang me a farewell song in Korean. I cried not only because I'm really sad to leave, but because I'm so thankful for all the blessings that were given to me here. Sunday night I had a going away dinner. These last few days I've been hanging out with friends any spare minute I have, staying up way to late and doing way to many random and funny things, trying to savor each moment.

I'm glad I have Thailand to look forward to. This Thursday I am going to Thailand for a week! The plan was originally to go to an orphanage there, but plans recently changed and now for a couple days I will be meeting new sponsored children through Compassion International, going to a safe house for rescued human trafficking victims, visiting a school, staying with a Thai family and hopefully riding an elephant! I hope I'll get a chance to blog from there.

I honestly don't know who reads this blog anymore, considering its been almost a year and a half. I thank you so much for your prayers. I truly am on cloud nine thinking about how much of blessing my time here has been. I am bursting with both sadness and joy at the same time. This step is to go home. Please pray that God would reveal the next step in His plan.

Seven more...

I have seven more days in Korea. Seven more days to walk to school in the morning. Seven more days to walk past the car wash man who waves and tells me good morning everyday. Seven more days to hug my kids. Seven more days to zip up their coats and help them put on their shoes. Seven more days to assist with the nose wipes and for those of you who know me, seven more days to use the whole bottle of hand-sanitizer :) These things that I'd seen as monotonous before, the things that seemed to make every day the same as the day before, are the things I'm going to miss the most. Until this weekend, I was in complete denial that I was leaving. I think it's starting to hit me now and it makes me really sad.

The other day I had a revelation. When I think of Korea, I just think of the glory days. I think everything about living in this foreign country, speaking a foreign language, teaching the cutest Korean kids, and being part of an awesome church is the best. The only way that I can really describe the way I feel right now is a deep sadness. But, a thought just occurred to me. I know that God is asking me to go back to the US right now. So, if I stayed in Korea, I would be disobeying Him. If I stayed, His anointing on me would not be here anymore and I would not be peaceful or fruitful anymore. I wouldn't love it here anymore. So since He's asking me to go back to America, I know that my anointing will be there and I will be just as peaceful, fruitful and joyful there :) It's comforting that as long as I'm in His will, the anointing travels with me, even across oceans!

I heard today that one of the current teachers here is going to take my class. I know that after I leave, my kids won't be my kids anymore, and they are no longer my responsibility, but I still was uneasy about an unknown person taking care of them, haha! I'm am so excited that she's taking them. She will take good care of them :)

I have so many things to do before I leave! My list just keeps growing!