I don't know how to be a parent

I had quite an interesting day. During the kids' 20 minute playtime, I'm usually sorting things, writing out homework sheets or doing some sort of prep, but today I just sat down on the mat and played. One of my boys came up and sat on my lap. He's not really much of a hugger, so I was kinda surprised. He's a chunck, and definitely a lap full. He pretty much sat on my lap all of playtime, just enjoying sitting there. After a while, I asked him, "Do you sit on your mom's lap at home?" He looked up at me and said matter of factly, "No." When I asked why, he said, "She hits me." Woah... When I asked why she hit him, he said, "Because she says I'm ugly." Oh man, this totally broke my heart. This is a five year old boy who so desperately wants to be loved! I'm sure his parents love him, but for a child to not know that he is loved by his parents is one of the saddest things in the world to me. How much better of an effort I would have given towards loving him if I knew that quite possibly I'm the only person in his life showing him love.

Another boy today came up to me sobbing after lunch. They weren't the fake whiny tears that he sometimes produces to get what he wants. He was clutching his ear, in obvious pain, turning to me to make it better. He'd had an ear infection before, and I guess that's what it was this time too. There was only a 1/2 of school left, but he just wailed, holding his ear because any sound was making him wince. I just held him, laying his head on my shoulder, trying to calm him, knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better. What a helpless feeling to know that this little boy I love, was in so much pain, and I could do nothing to stop it. I would imagine a parent feels this so much more when their child is hurting. I'm only 23, I don't know how to be a parent yet...

On a lighter note, it's so funny (and strange) to hear them repeat the things that I guess I say throughout the day. They are like little parrots, picking up on everything when I least expect it. Recently I hear them saying to each other, "Right, Jina?" They'll make some statement like, "I am wearing sandals today, right Jina?" It doesn't really make sense, but it makes me laugh because when I am talking in front of the class and I notice one student isn't paying attention, I'll say in the middle of my sentence, "Right, Sally?" just to get their attention.

Another one is that apparently I say, "tricky" a lot, cause now they launch into a homeade song saying, "I tricked you, I tricked you..." They also picked up on my use of "just joking" and "oh man!" They truly are little sponges. It's encouraging because when I feel so tired of teaching them how to to have good character, and for the boys how to act gentlemanly (which by the way is not throwing the girls' shoes in the trash can) and for the girls, how to act lady-like (which by the way is not lifting up your dress for the world to see)...so many times I feel like I'm not getting through to them at all. But I figure, if they picked up on me saying, "oh man" they are probably picking up on all the other too, I just can't see the results. Man, being a teacher is a lot harder than I thought it would be! It's also a lot more rewarding than I thought it would be.