The other day I had an epiphany. I was at our Young Adult Group, that Josh leads and I was in the basement of the church, again trying to get Amelia to go to sleep so that I could go upstairs and be a part of the Bible study discussion. This had happened several weeks in a row and I was getting frustrated that I spent most of my time downstairs trying to get Amelia to stop crying. Thankfully we drove separately because I ended up leaving since she was so tired, but wouldn't fall asleep and was crying. She cried all the way home until we walked through the door. I took her to change her into a new diaper and pajamas and she let out a relieved sounding sigh, as if to say, "Ah, finally home and cozy."
After I put her to bed, I had my realization. She just wanted to be home, understandably so, since it was past her normal bedtime. She wanted to be free to squeal and even cry. She didn't want to be sleeping in the church basement by herself (yes I had the monitor upstairs). I had gotten a bit frustrated with her not cooperating, when it was completely not her fault. She was just being a baby and wanted to be home at bedtime. I was the one trying to make it work because I wanted to be involved in the discussion upstairs.
Then I thought about how we could get the neighbors to babysit her...every Thursday...and sometimes of Sunday nights when we have another group... But wait, what does shipping her off to the neighbors tell her? It would tell her that church activities are more important than she is. Then realized that God has not called me to lead Young Adults. He has called me to lead Amelia. She is my full time ministry and I truly enjoy leading her because God has called me to it and it comes naturally. I decided that most nights I won't go to the Bible study because it's stressful for both me and her and it's not what God has called me to do during this season. Yes, I will have to sacrifice something small like not being a part of a discussion but the reward will be so much greater. I want Amelia to know that she's not last on the priority list. She is number 3. God first, marriage second and her third. I was telling Josh the other day that I feel like I work more now that I didn't when I was "working" full time. Now my job and ministry are one, and I do it at all hours of the night and day. It's the best job God's given me yet! ;) She's pretty awesome!
Now she's starting to get a little more personality! She's been testing the volume of her voice and squealing quite loudly. She also does this strange fake cough and sneeze thing to try to get my attention, haha. I think she's figured out that she can do cough and sneeze and it practicing that aspect of her voice. She also has a goofy little side smirk that I love! She's rolling over now and on her way towards sitting up!
